Crowding into my mind are images and snippets of conversations and faces and laughter and stories and old friends, not seen for years, and…so many ands when I think about this morning. When the guest here for the weeks sesshin, left.
Last words, the slam of a door, a van glides down the drive, break lights blinking on, before disappear out of sight. Gone. Once more the shining lights move off into the wider world. Sesshin is a time of looking deeply within. Allowing the surface chatter and concerns and worries to slip away. People come with a question of themselves. It just seems to work like that. Rather as if one brings a truth to test out, sit with, return to over and over again. Don’t hang on and don’t push away, anything. Let go of everything! Over the years, or said at the right time, this simple teaching has a profound impact. Oh! Everything. This is a step by step and in the moment kind of thing. (Don’t try to figure that out please.)
At the start of the week I met up with a woman and we talked. We know each other very well and over very many years. Leaving her I noticed an almost mantra like saying playing in my head. Your truth is shot through with holes. Now the rain can get in, the sun can shine through, your truth is shot through with holes. Over and over for several days this played in my mind. I thought it was the start of a post, a poem perhaps. The post didn’t happen.
Having tea this morning, talking back and forth about nothing of much consequence, she suddenly drew breath. Oh, I must tell you something really strange, she said. Over the past four days I’ve completely forgotten something and I can’t remember what it is…because I’ve forgotten it! It’s about something I’ve been doing for years. And now? Well it’s gone! Can’t remember what it was. I don’t particularly want to remember anyway. I didn’t need to ask, because it showed so clearly. The rain had got in and the sun was shine peacefully.
What can I say? Lovely to see people.