Mad About Maine Coon Cats?

If you like fur balls but don’t at the moment have one purring near you – feast your eyes.

No obvious linkage to Buddhism here except that we had two Coon cats at Shasta called Jazz and Pepper. Both now long departed. They were a classic couple who followed their monk keeper along the cloister for their morning and afternoon walks.

I am now back in the monastery. Posting may be a bit patchy for a few days since there is a retreat this week-end.

There will be a post tomorrow from Andrew.

The Space Behind – The Pull Forward

Every now and then something, some words in this case, can hit the spot. Adrienne in her new post To Do, Or Not To Do? talks about something I had suggested that might help her. Turns out it did.

My daughter must have noticed something because she stopped talking and asked me if I was OK. I just said that I was listening to her. But something had happened between us and she and I noticed a difference. Our communication softened. I can’t remember whether I said yes or no to her request; my actual response isn’t relevant. What is important is that the experience gave me a sense of how it is possible to be really present by a simple change in my perspective. And in that space I was more able to respond fully.

While talking with Adrienne on the telephone about this recent post I realized the suggestion I’d made, some time ago, was the practical application of holding the space which I’d talked about in Holding The Space – Keeping The Beat. Most helpful Adrienne. How could I have missed that? Time to take my own good advice, and to remember it too for the future.

To Do, Or Not To Do?

Being a parent is always hectic; nothing new there. Life has been especially busy recently, with one daughter moving back to live with us temporarily and the other moving into a new house. The distractions/demands come thick and fast and my response to these demands/distractions is something for me to take a closer look at. What is good to do?

I want to be supportive but is it always good to say yes? I know the answer to that one (N0 if you are in any doubt!). But in the moment, when I am caught off guard, when the dynamic pull of parent/child stuff occurs, I find myself saying yes far too often. Old habits die hard and the years of being the single parent who did it all has meant expectations sometimes run high. And, in the not too distant future I am to be a grandparent and with that will come yet more demands/distractions, some of which I happily anticipate, however………….

Last year, in a conversation with Rev Mugo, we talked about this. She gave me a suggestion and since then, when I remember to, I have put her suggestion into practice. The first time I tried the idea it went like this: the phone rings and it is my daughter, wanting something from me. What usually happens, and it happened this time, is that I feel a strong mental pull in a forward direction. This pull feels like I am being sucked forward, both by the words I am hearing and the kicking in of my habitual responses of OK, I am needed again, I am wanted therefore I will. I want to say no but I can’t. But this time I chose to change my perspective. I allowed myself to become aware of the physical space behind me. I immediately felt a loosening, a relaxing of the tension I was feeling. The pull forward stopped and I was able to be still in a way that I haven’t experienced before.

My daughter must have noticed something because she stopped talking and asked me if I was OK. I just said that I was listening to her. But something had happened between us and she and I noticed a difference. Our communication softened. I can’t remember whether I said yes or no to her request; my actual response isn’t relevant. What is important is that the experience gave me a sense of how it is possible to be really present by a simple change in my perspective. And in that space I was more able to respond fully.

Since then, when I remember to, I bring my attention to that space that isn’t in front of me. There is also the space that is behind and either side of me. When I am not just focused on forwards I can connect myself to the space I inhabit. I don’t just exist in relation to the pull of pressures, distractions, demands, habits. What a relief!

Kitten Distraction

Wotan1.jpg

Wotan the kitten when he was two months old. He doesn’t sit still for much – there are countless exciting distractions!

I’ve been wondering when I’ll be taking photographs again. My little Flip Video camera died. Too quickly. And I’ve simply not been inspired recently to pick up the still camera. So I am delighted to be able to publish this brilliant photo sent in by a reader. Many thanks.

Thoughts On Retirement

Here below is a comment left by Chris Y. My response ended up being quite long, and interesting perhaps. So I’ve copied in both comments here so they don’t get lost in the comment section.

From Chris:
Thank you. Wonderfully timely as always, Reverend Mugo, since I am about to give up the day job… And how much time evaporates just wandering round websites and following links! In search of what exactly?! Well, support I guess. The feeling that there are indeed others out there on similar journeys. What a wonderful resource (in its rightful place!) the web can be for us.

From Mugo:
Just a wave to you Chris. The matter of retirement is very much up there at the moment. So I am glad that you find some timely contributions here on Jade. I hope in the future there will be posts talking directly to the training aspects of retirement.

It does seem to take some time to settle to a different kind of day, with different kinds of contact with ones human family. The real tendency it would seem is to fill up that gaping hole of a day with all sorts of getting-busy-and-productive stuff. Even really great stuff like furthering ones interests and education. (Grandchildren, it would seem, are a bottomless pit of demands on retirees time.)

Perhaps, if it’s possible, it’s good to give oneself time and space to be uncomfortable. Lonely. Unproductive. And in the midst see what comes out of that gap time. Everybody has to live their life, retired or no. It is the real freedom to make the choices, when not under the influence of the mourning of ones working life still fresh in ones being, that can liberate and move one onwards. This all takes time, and patience.

I see retirement as a doorway which takes awhile to walk through, perhaps a passage more than a door. Once through the living is right and as it should be. A time for the fruits of mature experience to be broadcast as seeds. No matter that they germinate and grow – you are over all of that after all. Retirement can be walked as lightly as a child walks. Do we accumulate years? What does that mean? In practice.

I heard on the radio that 60 is the new 40. And, since I have just turned 62 and feel better than I did at 42, I can vouch for something of the truth of this.

Yes, and I have edited and added to my original comment.