Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Taken from 'There’s a Hole In My Sidewalk' by Portia Nelson

CHAPTER ONE
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost.... I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

CHAPTER TWO
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

CHAPTER THREE
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

CHAPTER FOUR
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

CHAPTER FIVE
I walk down another street.

A friend pointed me to this poem. Since I see it speaking so clearly of how 'habit energy' (karma) works I thought it worth sharing here. Although this piece is pointing to lifetime steps they can be played out in a shorter time frame as well. For example there is the ever present 'hole' of thinking negatively about oneself which works on the mind, moment to moment. Trouble is, the hole can become so familiar and therefore comfortable, that the need for or the possibility of getting out, evaporates.

Now I wonder how I ever managed, now that both computers are upstairs in the same room. No more all-day-long migrations from upstairs to downstairs and back again. Toggling between computers. Sometimes I'd think, "This is crazy", and "I've got to do something about this". Trouble was I knew it involved a huge upheaval. Moving a computer can be a nightmare of cables and connectors, and who knows if everything will work after it's been pulled apart. And there are the spare desks that need to find new homes. Worse, during a move, there is all that untamed office 'stuff', paper clips, staplers, elastic bands, labels (so many kinds of label) spilling over every available surface.

Today conditions ripened for a move culminating this evening with two desks being taken away in a U-Haul truck on route to become part of a young couples first new home together. Everything is working OK and the unruly paper clips are trapped behind a curtain for the moment. They and the rest of the rabble can have their freedom for now.

We would have upheaval days in the monastery, sometimes they lasted several days. Offices would be moved, people would move, furniture would move and garden carts full of stuff would be moved. During one such day I remember walking the cloister with a fellow monk who was a bit put out. Somewhat insensitively I chatted on enthusiastically about how good I thought it was because moving stuff brought the truth of impermanence before us. True, however my timing was poor.

Well anyway. Over the years I've grown to enjoy sorting and shifting, de-cluttering and taming stuff and then vacuuming up afterwards. All the same, there remains the tendency to put off making moves.

This posting is dedicated to those who are poised on the brink of a move. "Come on in the water's fine".
Oh, and good fortune to the couple starting there new life to-day.

Sifting through papers this afternoon I came upon this piece sent to me by a dear friend in Southern California. I think she included it in a care package, December before last.

I've been contemplating those times when a word or a gift or just a gesture reaches through the thin veil of the constructed self to a deeper level. Times when ones heart dances and ones feet skip forwards into life with renewed confidence. Here are a just a few such encounters that have surfaced into memory as I prepare a talk for Wesak on the theme of Giving and Receiving.

An early memory of a special gift was watching my Aunt Paddy spitting in her mascara and then applying the black goo to her eyelashes. It was the 1950's. She brought glamour and a wider world into my country girl life. Latter when I'd reached my teens she encouraged me to write, telling me I had a knack for descriptive writing.

In Singapore 1969, standing at a light box in Kodak's main processing plant. I was viewing slides taken during my overland trip from England. An Australian photographer gazes over my shoulder and we strike up a conversation. Parting he said, "Look me up in Sydney, there may be a job for you". And there was. (In that simple exchange I got what I wanted, recognition as a photographer, and then I could move on).

Twelve years latter, now as a novice monk. I'm walking on the cloister at Shasta Abbey. Miserable! A female senior passes and silently slipped me a few squares of English Bournville chocolate from her robe pocket. Instantly I'm lifted, not so much from the chocolate but from the message it carried. Years latter and I'm with the same monk. She is suffering. I say out of no where, "You know, if there wasn't 'letting go', life would be hell wouldn't it"! I just remember her laughing heartily in response.

I am sitting listening to one of our lay ministers giving meditation instruction to a room full of people. He is inspiring. The teaching is direct, clear and kind. I'm moved to tears. Hearing this one person speak so eloquently brought home to me the jewel that is the lay sangha. A realization of what they have to offer, and what they offer me.

So, back to getting my thoughts organized for that talk.

Does anybody know what this statue is? I thought it was one of the Japanese Noh Theatre characters, Hannya however I don't see horns growing out of her forehead as is traditional for this character. The statue is a simple carved wood one measuring about 4 inches in height. The hair which shades her eyes falls down the back ending in a point. There is a mixture of fine detail and simple single stroke cuts after the style of Enko. (Enko was a 17th century Zen Buddhist monk who carved with a hatchet and left behind an incredible legacy of carved Buddhas.)

Here is an item from an email sent out to priory members to-day.

Plastic Bags: As those of you who have dogs know only too well, plastic bags are an essential element in dog walking. Since bags are not in infinite supply could you please help by bringing your, clean and dry, bags to the priory for dog owners to use when cleaning up after their animals. I know the bags will be appreciated.

From right to left; Terry, Ned, Max, Chris.

Now and then all things come together, the sun's shining, everybody is looking at the camera, everybody is smiling and BINGO a great picture. This was captured on the priory steps late this afternoon. And, I had some plastic bags to give away too.

To-day the priory received a donation of a book called, Buddhist Stories For Children published by Buddhist Churches of America in 1960.

While looking for an address to write for permission to republish selected stories on a web site I bumped into this site. It has Buddhist stories for children to download, they might be of interest.

The booklet belonged to a chap who is seriously ill. Spare a thought for him.

There is something special about the air this evening. I've just been standing on the front step after meditation, breathing in great gulps of it. Ahhh! Mmmm. Wonderful air, wonderful humid air. And the wind is up, blowing our flags against the guttering. That's our International Buddhist Flags strung along the length of the house at window and door height. I see that they're getting frayed as the wind snatches and catches them on the flaking paint. Ahhh, wonderful humid air. We might even be getting some rain soon. Perhaps a storm.

A chap came for meditation this evening. Together we stood on the step, admiring the air. He thought it even smelt clean. He could be right, the air could even be cleaner. Perhaps something to do with the extra moisture.

My discriminating sense of smell rarely comes into play, for the most part there is nothing that grabs my attention one way or the other around here. Nothing either heady and pleasant or heavy and unpleasant. Although there is a local wood mill that, when the wind is from the right direction, sends a cloying smell into this neighbourhood. It doesn't last.

Now I've traveled back to the morning, in Reading England, when it dawned on me I'd just committed to living with sewage! That is, the almost constant smell of sewage. I was outraged. The smell was in the towel I dried my face on, the bedding I'd slept in. Gusts of it blew in around the window and door frames mixing with the incense smoke as we sat for meditation. There was no getting away from it and I was just about to take on the priorship at Reading. A permanent position with a permanent, truly terrible, smell!

Right there and then I had to come to terms with the situation, and accept it. In the process I was forced to look, not for the first time, at how the discriminating mind works together with the senses. Wanting and desiring the pleasant, rejecting and recoiling from unpleasant. There is nothing like entering into an all consuming, all embracing, stink to get ones attention. I grew to be grateful for my time in it's presence. For one thing I learnt not to complain, make comment or draw attention to 'it'. Complaining doesn't make anything better. "It", by the way, is called the "Whitley Whiff", named after the neighbourhood most effected.

It is dark now and the wind is gently blowing a twig against the guttering outside of my room. But you should have heard the racket before we cut the branches! A monk once kindly said to me, "Where ever you are there will be sound". He could have also said; "There will always be smell, sight, sensation, taste...and thought". What we do with them is our choice. Ay?

Sense: The faculty through which the external world is apprehended.

"The Precepts embrace both the goal and the method of spiritual training. The Precepts are seen to be the method of training when we recognize our need for a refuge and an anchor in the midst of the changing conditions of daily life. The effort to keep the Precepts enables us to find this refuge and this anchor. The Precepts are seen to be the goal of training when we have so cleansed body and mind of selfish desire, ill-will and egotism that we live the Precepts naturally without feeling that we are restrained by them. To live thus is to manifest Enlightenment in the midst of daily life. The Precepts are active throughout our training in both of these aspects".
The Precepts, Rev. Master Koshin Schomberg

I mentioned yesterday I'd point towards some 'hidden gems' of Dharma. I guess I'm particularly interested because there are some basic texts from within the Serene Reflection Tradition, as practiced in the O.B.C., that I'd no idea were available on-line.

On May 17th we, in Edmonton, are going to have a modified form of the Renewal of Vows Ceremony. This is when trainees rededicate to keeping the Precepts as well as make a statement of intent to do so in the future. Reading the three files listed here may help prepare those who attend the ceremony on the 17th. And they may be of help for people who don't.

The Kyojukaimon and Commentary, Great Master Dogen and Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett.
Reading the Kyojukaimon and Commentary, David Powers.
The Precepts, Rev. Master Koshin Schomberg.

The article by David Powers was first published in 1981. At that time both lay and monastic practitioners were encouraged to read the Kyojukaimon and Commentary daily. I'd imagine novices are still doing their spiritual reading on the 'wing' in their spare time, as I was. Hum, perhaps that's a good practice to pick up again for a bit.

What a find! I'd no idea that all, or at least the majority, of the scriptures used daily within our Order are posted on-line.

The Dharma Cloud Trust is the web home for Rev. Master Chushin a priest of our Order living and teaching in Newport, South Wales, UK. So, South Wales is where you will find the scriptures.

Rev. Chushin has a special place in my life as it was through a friend of his that I learnt about Throssel. Previous to that I took photographs for a community newspaper he started in a Newport neighborhood. Latter he was the OBC Journal editor at Shasta, and I typed it. A long and happy association. Grateful to him for getting permission and then posting the scriptures.

This link was found by a congregation member in Edmonton, thanks Mike. And tomorrow there will be another link to a hidden gem of Dharma found by him on an Order web site.