As is quite often the case with Andrew, and other who study with me, our thinking and insights run in tandam. This has happened with this most recent post from Andrew. We both recognise a certain shift has taken place.

I'm finding my retreat/reflection time has moved me on in a way I am not quite able to articulate at this moment. When, and if, something practical comes as an outcome, I'll let you know what it is.

I have recently found myself reflecting quite a lot on aspects of research into the brain which seem to show that we frequently make decisions in a relatively primitive part of our brain some time before our conscious reasoning part of the brain comes up with our explicit reasoned and rational account of the decision. It seems that somehow the decision is made before we are aware of having decided it. Many aspects of our spiritual training seem to follow this model too. Specifically, things often seem to change or shift in us some time before we have any real understanding of what is happening.

From Things Look Different - Something Has Changed by Andrew Taylor-Browne

Rocks smile in Idaho
I've been there and back again. The journey on the train from the Eden Valley through the Yorkshire Dales to Leeds was spectacular. My stay in London good. The hike across the width of Hyde Park, both energizing and restorative. The meeting with number one Jade reader from Russia, most charming. And my visa is on it's way. In the slow lane. Who is in a hurry after all?

Yes, that's right. Who's in a hurry? And if so why? If rocks can smile....

Many thanks for your well wishes.

This morning I will soon be on my way to London. Leaving from Kirkby Stephen on the Settle-Carlisle railway line to Leeds. Then switching trains and onwards (and upwards) to London, Kings Cross Station.

The 72 mile route from Settle to Carlisle takes you on a journey through the magnificent Yorkshire Dales, over the 24 arches of the Ribblehead Viaduct before plunging in to the longest tunnel on the line at Blea Moor. Emerging onto the side of Dentdale, the line leaves the Dales at Garsdale and makes it way through the gentle, lush rolling hills of the Eden Valley, with rural villages and market towns before arriving at the great border city of Carlisle.

Reason for traveling? Well not the train trip to Leeds although I know it is going to be a cracking good ride. No, I'm going to the American Embassy for my visa interview, Thursday morning, 8.30 am, standing outside in a long line. Hopefully it will not raining. I'm prepared. I-am-SO-prepared. A time, me thinks, for Dying Meticulously.

Dying Meticulously, those two words together say so much don't they. Sorta connected to the post Giving It Up. This poem came in an email along with the sentiments at the end of this post. Published with permission.

BUSY WITH MANY JOBS

Busy with very urgent jobs
I forgot
one also has
to die

irresponsible
I kept neglecting that duty
or performed it
perfunctorily

as from tomorrow
things will be different

I’ll start dying meticulously
wisely optimistically
without wasting time

Tadeusz Rozewicz

Dying and being born WHILST doing urgent jobs very thoroughly is living I guess.

It’s really difficult. I struggle to sit regularly on my bench. I’m better at sitting in my head, in between doing urgent jobs - sometimes.

Dear Good Friend,
Very many thanks for the poem and the insight about living. Like it. I'm tempted to say give up the struggle and sit anyway - Uh! guess I said it.

Here is part of a post from Undeceivable - Moonraker Zen. Our man in a van is still sitting. He also talks about the book Into The Wild. A mans dream that went terribly wrong.

It is the Devon Mountain that's caught my eye.

.....often sit a little during the day with my incense and Hakuin's Song of Meditation. The line that usually sticks in my mind the most is "Sit sincerely in meditation just once..." Even though I've been sitting a while, every time I do I feel it's a battle to stay on the cushion and just enjoy being there. But during most sittings, after I've been drifting in and then out of daydreams for a few minutes, my mind will inevitably clear and I'm there sitting like a Devon mountain.

Links to Hakuin's Song Of Meditation, can be found in the comments to post above. Hum, maybe I'll take at look. Tomorrow.

This morning. Half awake. Half asleep. Caught in that in between time. Half formed thoughts flowing on from a conversation yesterday. We were talking of the difference between giving up in the way one does which is looking down. And giving up in the way of giving up while looking up. Give it up. That's what I came to, half awake/half asleep this morning. Give it up means giving up while looking up.

My early training would be full of instructions to let it go, offer it up. To be honest such instructions seemed to paralyze rather than move me on. Now give it up speaks more clearly of how it is. Not the giving up of despair more....let me think now.....more that giving is center stage, gratitude is center stage. Not that I think grateful thoughts all day long. Such thoughts hardly come up at all. Giving it up has a powerful connotation, for me, of release. Of release into activity. No namby pamby (which was the younger me) will I won't I. Ought to. Should do.

Increasingly I find myself at a loss. Lost in the labyrinths of words when words, bless 'em, are what we have. Lost without them, lost with them. But let's not get into that trap. The lost, tired, where am I and what's to do thoughts are common to all. They, such thoughts, are the trap. Or can become so. They call out, come wrap yourself up in what you know, wrap yourself up so warm and cozy so even your eyes can no longer see, your ears can no longer hear. And you can no longer move or speak.

If all you think you know
Is all you know
And that uncomfortable/comfortable knowing
Has you wrapped up all warm and cozy...

Then, literally
Open your eyes
Allow what is there
To be there
Literally.

Beyond your eyeballs
Behind your eyeballs
Where is the boundry?
Give up - look up!

There is then, nothing more than this...it is enough.

Well, this might work for a handful of readers. And if it does great, and if it doesn't don't worry. Look out for your wisdom as it races past you. Follow it knowing it is not yours to hold and keep. Give it up!