Ever since I started practising Zazen in Japan almost 10 years ago, I've been attracted to the idea of becoming a Zen monk. In 2009 I went for a week long retreat at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey in Northumberland and upon my return realised that a) I could never become a monk and b) monks have got it right.

To encourage myself to focus more on my Zen practice, I saved up for 6 months in 2009, bought myself a camper van, and moved to Devon...
Undeceivable - Moonraker Zen.

Everything in me goes out to Pascal who I met briefly when he visited Throssel. There he is in his VW Moonraker, parked on the side of some wild and windy Devon road and sitting Zazen. He is doing what most of my generation, including me, dreamed of doing.

You asked about what a monk does when she goes on retreat as I am at the moment. Much the same as you Pascal in spirit at least 'though not in form. Living each day, facing the conditions that come before me, responding to them best I can. Remaining fully committed to staying with changing circumstances. Knowing that each day is a life changing day and going with those moments even when they don't make sense - for example go out and buy a bag of chips...or whatever. Toffee Crisp wasn't it?

There is planning ahead. There is organizing in the micro and macro sense. And then there is what happens. There is, as happens for me, a playfulness in living which can so easily get lost in the corridors of convention and expectations.

This post has been slightly edited, particularly the last paragraph - 15th Feb. 2010.

Dear Reverend Master Mugo,

You have asked me to consider writing a regular contribution to your Jade Mountains. With some nervousness, and as usually seems to be the way with these situations, something is saying yes, ok; and then I’m trying to work out what it is I’ve said yes to, and if it is good to do then why is it, and how can it work for us? I know you better than to ask exactly what it is you were thinking of, so here is my go at what might work for me.

The first thing to say is that this clearly can’t just be an opportunity for me to tell people who read your site what I think about things. If I was going to do that then I’d be setting up my own site and doing it directly; and I’m not. So if not that, then what?

Well, I started to wonder what you think might be missing from Jade Mountains as it currently stands. And I came up with a couple of possibilities.

The first is that you’re a monk - and a very well established one at that: however understated about it you may be, you are a Zen Master. It follows that your life and experience may not express many aspects of what Buddhist training might be like for people who aren’t monks - although your honesty and humanity in what you write go a long way to showing that this difference isn’t as great as we sometimes might like to think.

Secondly, and perhaps more deeply, for me a great deal that is important in our training is about the dynamic between ‘teachers’ and those of us hoping to learn something and receive support in our practice. Zen in particular seems to be so much about someone asking a question and an answer coming back - often not the answer we were looking or hoping for but an answer that cuts to the core of what is being asked. Quite a few of your postings reflect this with you sharing some of the letters people have sent you and your responses. And wouldn’t it be interesting to see if some of the dynamic of how this continues over time could be illustrated by me sharing my thoughts, worries and questions with you, and through you with your readers?

So these thoughts led me to wonder - how about me writing to you on a regular basis through your site? Often it could be that no actual response is needed from you - there is something about the act of opening up and asking and sharing that frequently just by itself resolves the question.

When I look at your original request for me to contribute in this light then I can see a possibility of me writing about training and how that impacts everyday life without it being me expressing my opinions, or trying to inform or teach. It would really just be a continuation and development of what we have been doing for years.

You have been around and deeply involved in all of the nearly 20 years I’ve been training in this practice - from being the scary visiting monk who used to come to our home when we were running the London Meditation Group; through the years when you lived in the mobile home in our yard here on the farm; and with our ever evolving relationship with the OBC and the Lay Ministry. This seems like another opportunity opening up - perhaps unorthodox, but I suppose you often seem to find some particular energy in new approaches to things.

As ever I am left wondering maybe it will work? maybe it won’t? and cutting through all this nervousness echoes one of the hallmarks of your particular teaching - let’s get up and try it and maybe we’ll find out.

Does any of this make sense? Is it the sort of thing you were thinking of?

in gassho,

Andrew

Consciousness, believe it or believe it not?
Thanks to Renegade Buddha - glad you are back at it again.

This will not be last time we take a look at consciousness. In the mean time...just sit!

I've added another photograph to this posting. If you love dogs take a look, if you don't I wouldn't!

Maggie Mae a four and a half year old Pug

Maggie Mae was recently adopted and moved from a farm in Alberta, Canada to Edmonton. She was doing well with her house training and life in general, until recently. Her person, Mike of Jazzy and Mike renown is concerned as Maggie Mae has been poorly and Mike feels she is going down hill physically. Is she not super cute?

Spare a good thought for all of them.

The following photograph was added on 11th December.

Maggie Mae now feeling MUCH better!

See also comment attached to this posting if you need to know, or be reminded of, what it's like to take care of a sick animal.

Quite by chance, on Monday, I saw a chap briefly who I'd met at Throssel before. It was a significant meeting back then since he'd been helping an isolated member I have responsibility for. Turns out he'd been here all week-end, and I didn't know. That sometimes happens since guests are generally on retreat and the monks help that process by not engaging people in casual conversation. Which means we are not looking about to see who's here, of course.

If you plan to come on retreat, or to stay, and would like to say hi please drop me a line before you get here. Or say something the the Guest Department monks. That way I can make sure to bump into you at an appropriate moment. It's always a pleasure and a joy.

Yes, it was a happy meeting on Monday. Not only for seeing a familiar face but for being reminded that he was, and still is a Jade reader! And because our on-line conversation, via the comments section, back some time last year was connected with death I promised to mention the name of a book I find most helpful. And the book is: There's More to Dying than Death, Lama Shenpen Hookham.

Monday's meeting was just one more nudge to get more Bodhi Leaf pins/badges made. There are more of you out there gazing at the screen than I had thought. And one more old friend tells me, via email, he will be checking in again. Welcome back! Glad you're alive.