Category Archives: Daily Life

Smelling the Flowers with Fiona

To-day Fiona Robyn is visiting Jade Mountains on her blog tour. Welcome. Fiona’s new book ‘small stones: a year of moments’ has not reached my hands because we are on different continents however I have visited her blog, a small stone. Before we talk here are a couple of pictures with text to give you an idea of what the stones look like.

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The bush’s branches are clotted with red berries. From inside the house three ginger cats eye me as I walk past.

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the fur stroked out
of her silver coat
rests on her back
downy dandelion seeds
waiting to be blown away
on a -puff- of breeze
to take root in
the earth, to grow

I’d intended to do a back and forth instant messaging conversation with Fiona but the time difference and prior commitments had me writing down questions instead. They stir dim memories of exam papers, not something I’d want to inflict on anybody. But needs must…

Do you go about your day getting on with things and then at some point sit down and see what comes to mind in terms of a ‘stone’ to post. Or do you find yourself deliberately taking a mental snapshot of something in particular and then translate that into words when you sit down to write?

A mixture – but I think the best small stones come from the latter, when I see or touch or hear something and think ‘ah!’ and make a mental (or physical) note to write it up later. The alternative is trawling back through my day for something that struck me, and I find it quite difficult to capture a kind of ‘freshness’ when I haven’t made a mental note at the time.

Would you say to a certain extent you are looking out for ‘stones’, something to post about?

I do occasionally look for small stones in a conscious way, especially when I’m travelling – being in a car or a train seems to help me to open my eyes. But the ideal would be to live my whole life as if I was noticing a small stone. It doesn’t matter too much if I write them down or not, because the act of noticing them is the whole point. It helps me to engage with the world – to get in close.

The closest I get to what you do is the photographs I seem to be taking currently. I say ‘seem to’ because I can honestly say I’m not looking for anything or to convey anything through them either. Would that be where you are with writing or are you purposefully trying to say something?

Hmm – I’m definitely not thinking about what I want to convey with individual small stones, e.g. ‘ah, a homeless person, I’ll write about him to highlight the issue of homelessness’. In a way I’m trying to say the same thing over and over with every small stone – pay attention! Look at things properly! Wake up!

I know you have an interest in Buddhism. Have you anything you would like to say about that? For example from where you sit now what impact does it, the theory and/or the practice have on you in you day?

I didn’t really know anything about Buddhism when I started writing my small stones. I discovered Pema Chodron first, after finding her quotes scattered across the internet and buying one of her books, and this led me to Suzuki Shunryu, Charlotte Joko Beck, Jakusho Kwong and Natalie Goldberg. Soto Zen as a tradition probably appeals to me the most. I like the idea of non-clinging, as a way of engaging more fully with what is there, and I like the discipline of ‘just sitting’ (I have a modest practice and sit for 20 minutes in the morning). I like the idea of ‘big mind’ and of interconnection. It has become very important to me as something I continue to learn from, and although I don’t know if I’d say ‘I am a Buddhist’ I’d definitely say ‘Buddhist ideas have been hugely important to me’. I dedicated the book to Suzuki Shunryu as I was so moved by his presence through what is written about him, particularly after reading his biography, Crooked Cucumber. I hope he’d approve of my small stones, as my attempt to ‘just notice’ and then ‘just write it down’.

The late head of our Order would often encourage us to take time to smell the roses. I guess that’s what Fiona is encouraging us to do too. Thanks for the reminder.

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Animals and End of Life Issues

Dear Reverend Mugo,
I wonder if Peter could feature on your blog as part of my asking for merit for him? He was an old boy of around sixteen. A friend adopted him when he was about seven and had him for nine years. She moved away four weeks ago and he stayed with me (much to Matthew Cat’s disgust). Sadly he passed away on Saturday with the help of the vet. His body was in a parlous state and I feel very sad for him. I would like to celebrate his being with us and share his picture (with others).

Dear Friend,
Sure I’d be glad to publish the photograph and may I publish the information in your email please? Mugo
Absolutely. It may give others confidence to do what seems crazy but was so the right thing!
Best wishes and love xxx

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Photograph of Peter the cat, recently deceased.

Reverend Mugo,
The actual process was awful. I could tell you the details if you want. It isn’t nice and easy at all. I felt bad that I hadn’t handled it well. Because the cat had only been with me four weeks I hadn’t thought about what I would do re burial etc. When the vet said “shall I take him?” I didn’t know what to do as my garden is too small and my friend suggested it would be better to let the vet take him for cremation. She was trying to be kind to me as I was distraught and traumatised. This was Saturday evening. I woke in the early hours and thought I could have buried him in the allotment and imagined him all uncared for being put in a pile of animals and treated not kindly (although the vet had said they do it sensitively). I felt he was just as important as my own cat and I wouldn’t have dreamt of letting Matthew go to be cremated without a proper send off.
Then this morning (Monday) I sat with it and asked (in meditation) if I really should ask for the cat’s body back from the vet – and the answer was ‘yes’. They were great, acted like it was a perfectly normal request. He was wrapped neatly in the red blanket I had given to the vet as he left and Peter was curled up inside like he was asleep – quite stiff so had obviously been put like that before this morning. I was able to say goodbye properly.
And strangely, I saw a neighbour as I was setting off to fetch him. When I got Peter I began to go to the allotment and something said – that neighbour lives next door to where Peter lived and perhaps he would be willing to let him be buried in his side garden. I went home and asked and he came straight out and found a lovely spot by bushes, against the wall, dug the hole for me, filled it in. Came to my garden and collected a large thin piece of stone to put on top of him and made it the right size. All this with no big fuss and a kind hand on my shoulder because of my tears.
So Peter is buried properly in a place he used to hang out in and I can say hello to him as I pass by.
What a lovely man. He loves birds and isn’t fond of cats but he did that. He knew Peter and had asked about him when his person left the village and the cat came to live with me. He said it was fitting Peter was buried there because he spent a lot of time in his garden and he had even been found once asleep on this man’s bed.

Recently I’ve been witness, indirectly via email, to a number of animal deaths. All came about through the intervention of the vet administrating a lethal injection. Anybody who has ever been in the position of having to make that decision will know how difficult it is. There are Preceptual issues. There are personal ones both practical and emotional. And there are the other people surrounding the animal and their fears, desires and issues to take into consideration.

When possible we perform a funeral for animals. This can be a simple ceremony or a more elaborate one as circumstances allow. However an animal goes be it by lethal injection or otherwise the important thing is to love them with all of ones being. And in their passing it is important not to harbour regret or self blame.

Published for all those who have been in similar circumstances.

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Mental Gymnastics

Some years ago a fellow monk was given a car which involved a lengthy trip in order to pick it up. She was reticent about going. A friend advised her simply. Don’t let the thought of the journey put you off going!

For the next ten days I’ll be traveling in Washington and Oregon, by early July I’ll be in Idaho. At times during the past week making the arrangements for this trip have become overwhelming. Thankfully there have been opportunities to walk in the forests around here and to spend time with fellow monastics and lay friends too. There were so many details that needed to be dovetailed together, so many variables to juggle. Thankfully the thought of this trip has not put me off making it! I’ve recycled my friends advice many times over. It has become something of a mantra, Don’t let the thought put you off.

Tomorrow I’ll be driven to Seattle to catch a ferry to Bainbridge Island. It will be a 40 minute crossing and I’m told I might just see a whale, but at this time of year it’s more likely you will see sea lions or seals. And possibly a Dall’s porpoise, which looks like a miniature Orca. There may be another more lengthy ferry voyage next week and, if all goes to plan, a very interesting visit which I’ll write about. Already the mental gymnastics of the past days are fading.

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The Refuge Without Compare

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Roger, one of the Eugene Buddhist Priory cats, sits unmoving between the Oxherd pictures and the world news.
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Out for a walk today beside the river in Eugene. Returned to find my companion’s car broken into and looted. Together we two meditators managed to keep our heads and do the right things in a timely fashion. Merit for Margaret much appreciated.
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He once roamed the streets of Jackson County, now a companion to an elderly woman and her daughter in Eugene. Indoors he is cute, outdoors he is still king of the road.

The last Oxherd picture can be seen on the right of Roger in the first photograph. It shows a joyful person, perhaps dancing in the street! Somehow that sums up my day, which might seem odd all things considered, but that’s the way it is.

The refuge of the Sangha is without compare. Thank you good sisters and brothers, near and far.

I’m sorry that I’ve not been able to respond to comments recently.

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Pain Remembered

Pain. So many thoughts on pain. So many stories about personal pain. Killing pain, pain that kills. Numbing pain, pain that numbs. Tolerating pain, accepting pain. Having the confidence to be in pain. Pain as a gift and a teacher. Pain that never goes away. So very many stories about pain while I’ve been in Edmonton. Not because Edmonton is any more pain filled than anywhere else, it just happens to be where I am right now. There’s always going to be pain where people are, where there is sentience.

Last evening there was a phone call from a congregation member. We’d said good by two years ago not expecting to meet again. I’m on a four hour leave from the emergency department. I need to get my bank business sorted and call relatives to let them know where I am. I’m due back at 8.00, he said. Err, is this really REALLY serious? Nah should be sorted in a couple of days, or so. Hopefully. We met again briefly, perhaps for the last time. One never knows. Here’s a man who does pain with great dignity. Others carry their pain with a smile. With tears. With silence.

Today I saw a cause of pain, a cause from my early life. Minds remember and bodies remember. Body and mind are not separate, thus it’s body/mind remembering. Places carry memories and photographers record those places so they, and the pain they carry, are remembered. That’s what I intended to do as an aspiring young photographer, in the early 1960. Thankfully there are photographers in this world who do that, are doing that. Right now. In Cambodia.

There is a difference though. Between being in pain and being in suffering.

Thanks to Michael for the link.

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