It always strikes me, after retreat guests have gone, how fortunate I am to meet such interesting and inspiring people. What is there to say except thank you? Thank you. I hope you all got home safely.

Now is the time for reflection, for us all. I’ve been thinking on our ceremony hall, the way it strikes me as I enter there. It’s the whole, the whole space, and then sometimes the details strike me. But mostly it’s the whole.

If I think about it the brilliant blue above the altar catches my attention. I love that colour, my eyes drink it in. It’s the colour of lapis. We used Winsor and Newtons’ Ultra Marine by the bucket-full to paint that. Back in around 1986 I think it was. Winsor and Newton once used ground up lapis in this paint. Not any more though.

There is a verse in an invocation we sang the other week at the Festival of Bhaisajaguru Tathagata, the Buddha of Healing. Here it is:

To reach the sacred mountain peak
Where lapis lazuli is found,
The ancient sages gave their lives
To kneel upon that holy ground;
The precious stone is hard to see,
And harder still to hold and keep,
A radiance pure, of deepest blue,
With flames of gold which dance and leap;
And if the journey seems too long,
The path too steep to climb,
Celestial beings will help us find
This precious gem, the Deeper Mind.

I wish I could sing this into the computer right now, I can hear it in my mind.

It is so easy to look at the parts of a verse like this. What? Sacred mountain peak! What? Holy ground! What? WHAT? Celestial beings! For goodness sake, this isn’t Zen is it? Seems to me we lose sight of the precious gem, the Deeper Mind in the rush to pick at the words, and in the process sweep away the utter beauty that words carry and convey. Left alone they can show us something of the richness of this life of faith. This life is not dry and dusty or in need of being sanatised, it is liquid, with flames of gold which dance and leap…there is joy.

It is so hard to help people past the details, past the statues and the words we use both in ceremonial and in teaching. They are easy to trip over. And then even stumble before the path is even entered. So sad. I might have been one of those people. Could easily have been, given my feelings about religion when I came here first.

Lot of details for new people to absorb when they come here for the first time. Humm, reflecting now I could have said something about that before the guests went…remember the whole before the parts. But I was lost for words by the end of the retreat.

So I’d say now for anybody spooked by the details – look to the whole; to the gem. To the precious gem, the Deeper Mind. Don’t turn it over in your hand like a coin, wondering it’s worth, simple accept it. It’s yours.

To be honest I just don’t go there when celestial beings and similar terms come up on the page. I just sing my heart out. Why not?

I just published the following in the comment section in response to a woman speaking about her father, who is recovering from a stroke. Seeing myself reflecting on the site and how people might derive benefit from it I thought it worth publishing as an actual post. Because? Because it is an opportunity for me to draw attention to what I believe is the merit of writing and reading this blog. Could be wrong.

So sorry to hear about your father. I hope you have a Transfer of Merit notice up at Throssel – if not let me know his name and I’ll get one posted.

Glad you find this site of help. A source of comfort and insight? – I think this comes through you and your practice and reading here simply resonates with ‘that which is’ within you. This is probably how people derive something from coming here, and keeps them/you returning.

There is nothing of real value to be gained from reading the stuff I publish. However if there is benefit, on the simple information level perhaps, that’s good. The real gain is being reminded that one has not lost anything and what one has, is priceless. (This last sentence has been added after the comment was published.

Thanks for leaving this comment.

The other reason to publish is to offer merit in the direction of a very unfortunate situation unfolding in a distant country. No details possible here however the reader will find comfort in knowing there is a circle of well wishers gathered. Spiritual merit is not nothing, it’s related to the resonance spoken of in my comment published above.

Thought I’d return to contemplating suicide since there have been several lengthy comments left which give personal accounts on this topic. They merit being republished, together. Thank you all.

On a personal note, back in July 2007 I was called to perform the funeral for a man who took his life. This posting points to an organization which helps grieving children. Interestingly enough returning to the subject of suicide I realize I’m returning each week, to attend a course, to the very town where the chap mentioned lived and worked. He now comes to mind as does his remaining family. Particularly his young daughter.

I find this discussion difficult because my father, who is now 89, has been talking about euthanasia for years. The other day he was very angry & upset about the prospect of what he sees as an “undignified” existence & told me he was going to take his life. I see it all very differently. I’m not against euthanasia for any moral reason apart from it seems to be a mistaken approach, which a Buddhist sees in a different way to many. It hurts me that my dad cannot accept his impending demise & feels the need to rush ahead to death as a way of escaping the last period of time, which may just allow him to come to terms with life & death himself. People try to tell me this is my “stuff”. I feel I want to help my father deal with his situation in the best possible way. I have told him I will help him to end his life if that is what he really wants. Of course I am hoping that won’t come to pass. It’s all too simple for John Humphrys & people with these views to tritely say they will do this. When the time comes things are not that simple.

Comment attached to Onward to Death – Again

“For myself, I can say that my mother’s suicide has given me knowledge – unwelcome knowledge, but knowledge nonetheless. One element of that knowledge is the possibility of suicide. Like drink to an alcoholic, it is always there in the background, always an option. But another part of that knowledge is an understanding of the actuality of suicide and its consequences for those left behind.”

Did I write this or just read it? Could have been either, but it does reflect exactly what I think, having had a mother who killed herself when I was just 19yrs old. I do suffer from depression, and suicide is something I often think about, but cannot do because I know what lifelong pain it causes those left behind. Thanks Rev Mugo for raising this important issue.

Anonymous comment attached to Suicide or No

Suicide has had quite an influence on my life. I have known several friends who have killed themselves. I have tried to learn from their lives, for example how I can support people so they are able to choose to live – to find a way to be (gentle) with themselves. At the same time I try to respect that choice if it has been made or at least be compassionate to it. Sometimes I see suicide as the ultimate protest, that we all need to listen to as a community when someone in our midst chooses this escape route. How can we learn from this how can we live together more peacefully and in ways that allows us to regroup, heal and grow again?

So many people struggle with ‘demons’ that tell them they are not good enough. How do we foster an atmosphere of awareness that embraces these demons and quells their terror? I think talking about suicide and suicidal thoughts can be helpful in making the subject less fearful. Is an accepting approach helpful towards suicidal thoughts? I suppose its that middle way of acknowledging and holding lightly (self destructive thoughts) without giving in or trying to suppress such thoughts. Ok enough talk I am going to go and make lunch!

Comment left by Rufus attached to the posting, Suicide or No

Thank you all for your active participation.