Honest Self Reflection

I received this email some weeks ago from a chap who received the Precepts here at Throssel this year. He is living with ME/CFS and we have been in touch for a couple of years. As you will see at the end of the note below he offers himself as a resource for those who also live with ME/CFS.

Considering the time this was written and probably the level of fatigue, I read this message, and I hope you do too, with buckets full of compassion. I’m publishing the letter, with permission, because it is an example of honest self reflection. And an expression of generosity.

After midnight….

Dear Rev. Mugo,

Hope all is well.

Sleep seems to be avoiding me tonight LOL. A visit to Leeds ME/CFS centre and business meetings this week aren’t a help but may be saying this will help…

I’ve got some thoughts on compassion that seem to be probing me at the moment. As my awareness of things and myself slowly grows I seem to, at times, become aware of what I feel is a distinct lack of compassion for others. The phrase ‘not bearing fools gladly’ springs to mind as being appropriate. I guess atleast the good thing is that I’m aware of this and uncomfortable with it?

At times I just feel I haven’t got the time or patience for what I perceive as peoples inability to face their fears and make the choices that I, in my great wisdom think they need to make! Don’t get me wrong I’m not telling people what I think they should do necessarily, but I feel an exasperation to tell them to just get on with it, as I’m sure you might when I witter on.

I think I’m coming from a point of ego here; in that I feel that I have had to go through some tough times and make some tough choices and have tried to just get on with it and they should just get on with it too instead of off loading/moaning without (what I see as) the intention to move on. Ironically, I also know that just getting on with it has often been and still is my down fall!

Anyway, as you’ve said in the past that you’ve happened to be in contact with people with ME/CFS, and I suppose still are ;o) I’d like to offer myself as some one that people could contact, via email initially, in a way that would hopefully be of mutual benefit in sharing experiences be it relating physical, psychological or spiritual aspects of ME/CFS. This is bearing in mind and being clear that I have no qualification other than that of being through the mill of clinical assessments, medications, work issues, exploring ways to recovery, and trying to balance all things that are life day to day.

If can offer help to anyone, I’d like to do so.

In gassho, Kevin

Dear Kevin,
I can’t remember what I said when I replied to this letter and now time has gone on I’d probably respond differently. As I say this is an honest self reflection, and very highly coloured by the physical and mental condition you were in at the time. You would appreciate and understand this I’m sure. All the same there is obviously something there to look at and reflect on. It may not be what you think though.

My only thought this evening is to encourage you to look up while at the same time sink through the world that is ‘your life’. There waiting in the background is your home, return there often.

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3 thoughts on “Honest Self Reflection”

  1. Rev. Mugo,
    as i am reading this message it is 4.40 am in Los Angeles. . . sleep seems to be avoiding me too or shall i say i am avoiding her (sleep seems to be more feminine than masculine to me). reading Kevin’s email i had to wonder if i (kevin) had written it. i understand his reflection because there are times when i hear my inner-self saying “be more compassionate” and then i think shouldn’t i just… “be compassionate”. it is late/early. i will think more on this tomorrow/today. i hope you are well. and Kevin too.
    in gassho, kevin

  2. Hi Kevin in LA,

    I’m sure this is a common thought in those of us who care, so I guess in someway it’s reasuring to have even the concern for our compassion or felt lack of it. It surely shows, if nothing else, a will to cease from evil, do good and do good for others and head in the ‘right’ direction.

    Thanks for your thoughts and support both Kevin (LA) and Rev Mugo.

    Kevin (UK)

  3. I do sympathise with the feelings of frustration when others do not seem to be doing the “right thing”. I get the same stuff coming up & I don’t ‘suffer fools gladly’ either, although as the years go on I have improved! I know that we have to deal with ourselves first. I know that we all face our fears or do what is needed in our own time & that in many ways this process can’t be forced. We still have to put in effort & for me it’s getting the balance right that constantly causes me frustration.

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