This morning. Half awake. Half asleep. Caught in that in between time. Half formed thoughts flowing on from a conversation yesterday. We were talking of the difference between giving up in the way one does which is looking down. And giving up in the way of giving up while looking up. Give it up. That's what I came to, half awake/half asleep this morning. Give it up means giving up while looking up.

My early training would be full of instructions to let it go, offer it up. To be honest such instructions seemed to paralyze rather than move me on. Now give it up speaks more clearly of how it is. Not the giving up of despair more....let me think now.....more that giving is center stage, gratitude is center stage. Not that I think grateful thoughts all day long. Such thoughts hardly come up at all. Giving it up has a powerful connotation, for me, of release. Of release into activity. No namby pamby (which was the younger me) will I won't I. Ought to. Should do.

Increasingly I find myself at a loss. Lost in the labyrinths of words when words, bless 'em, are what we have. Lost without them, lost with them. But let's not get into that trap. The lost, tired, where am I and what's to do thoughts are common to all. They, such thoughts, are the trap. Or can become so. They call out, come wrap yourself up in what you know, wrap yourself up so warm and cozy so even your eyes can no longer see, your ears can no longer hear. And you can no longer move or speak.

If all you think you know
Is all you know
And that uncomfortable/comfortable knowing
Has you wrapped up all warm and cozy...

Then, literally
Open your eyes
Allow what is there
To be there
Literally.

Beyond your eyeballs
Behind your eyeballs
Where is the boundry?
Give up - look up!

There is then, nothing more than this...it is enough.

Well, this might work for a handful of readers. And if it does great, and if it doesn't don't worry. Look out for your wisdom as it races past you. Follow it knowing it is not yours to hold and keep. Give it up!

Adrienne has been mardy. A friend (gosh who could that be?) has been, apparently, applying pressure on her to write. So she has written, about responding to pressure, in a post titled Too Much Pressure?

Don't worry, I am no pushover. When this pressure was being applied I didn't just cave in and comply. I recognise an attempt to undermine my status quo when I see/hear one. I had an immediate up-rush of resistance to defend my position. If anyone out there understands the term Mardy then I was the embodiment of being in that state. Internally I was stamping my feet, good and proper!

Now I happen to know that Jim has an animal rescue story up his sleeve and Andrew is bound to have something cooking, literally or figuratively.

No pressure!

It has been a while since my last post and awareness of the gap has nudged me to varying degrees; sometimes the nudge has been a gentle one and at other times quite uncomfortable. My critical mind has come into play and I have felt bad at my lack of commitment. I have wriggled around and justified…..I am too busy….. I am tired……..I have more pressing matters to attend to…..I will write something later (and later never actually arrives). At other times I have just sat with feeling uncomfortable because, somehow, it is a state that I am used to.

So this pressure, which has been happening since my last post, has not been sufficient for me to actually open up a word doc on my laptop and start writing. So what has now driven me into taking action? A little bit of gentle pressure from a kind friend.

Don't worry, I am no pushover. When this pressure was being applied I didn’t just cave in and comply. I recognise an attempt to undermine my status quo when I see/hear one. I had an immediate up-rush of resistance to defend my position. If anyone out there understands the term Mardy then I was the embodiment of being in that state. Internally I was stamping my feet, good and proper!

So I took notice of these thoughts and feelings. More accurately, I couldn’t ignore them. What on earth was I resisting, the knowledge that what I was being asked to do is good? How ridiculous! And my friend, the one exerting the gentle, kindly pressure……? I know this person has my best interests at heart.

As someone who works with parents for a living I apply kindly pressure quite regularly as a method of moving someone forward towards their goal. I get feedback from them saying how helpful being kept to account can be. So now, having had the experienced of being pushed myself, I am grateful for the experience (and blimey, for me it’s so much harder being on the receiving end than giving it out!).

So here I am, still sitting with the residue of resistance and mardiness, but glad to be writing something. And maybe…. soon …..you’ll hear from me again.

Gotta rattling in the boot (trunk). It's heavy, it's big (and very very useful). But. It is getting late, getting dark, temperature's dropping. Driving on, driving.

It's heavy. The neighbour will lift it. I'm fairly sure the neighbour will lift it. Take it to the kitchen. I'm so happy to have it. Of COURSE the neighbour will lift it.

Nope. No one in. Nobody to lift it.

I lifted it. Carried it. Took it to the kitchen. What is it? A microwave oven!

There is an ever present rhythm in us. Beating out it's beat. It's with us constantly but sometimes it misses beats, flutters, speeds up, slows down. And sometimes stops - then starts again. Heart beat. Breathing beat. Waking, sleeping, walking beat. Rhythms. For the most part they go unnoticed until they change, or are changed. Or the presence of rhythm is heard. How did I miss the beat!

This post is for all those very many people, some I know, who every day do not know if there will be another one when they close their eyes.

Ayse left a comment, she is home from hospital and recovering well. See also her article, Dealings With Pain.

Greyhound rescue, with a difference...

Thanks to Rev. M for the story....