Yearly Archives: 2009

Daily Life, Overcome Difficulties, Teachings

Opening Things Up

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I have a tendency, I guess we all have, to close down any thoughts and feelings about something that happens into one, usually quite judgmental, opinion.

So, the comment: I can imagine the way you live must be very relaxing, not worrying about anyone else, had led to some pretty negative judgments of my own suitability to be telling people about what Buddhism means in practice.

This process can be justified to ourselves as a focusing on what is really going on – when it actually feels a lot like a closing down of seeing things. If in response to this I can reverse the process and instead open up the associated insights and realisations that come when we just look and ask – then what do I find?

Well, I yes wonder if I gave a misleading impression on the extent to which, as Buddhists, we care about others;

and: this was the only comment out of a large bundle that I was picking up on, and conceivably the only one with which I could find a way of criticising myself;

and: maybe my fear of being misunderstood isn’t really about being understood or not at all but is actually about being judged and criticised and thought to be hopeless;

and: I remembered a question during the class which went something like ‘isn’t it unfriendly to sit and face a wall with your backs to the the people who you are meditating with” – what a good question! and my answer was something about how we have to work on our own stuff and not worry about what other people are doing AND that somehow this helps us all and doesn’t feel like we are cutting them off;

and: maybe that was what she meant and maybe there is a sense in which we don’t have to worry about other people even when we are helping them;

and: I remember being 12 and worrying a lot about what other people thought and felt, and isn’t that sad; and in fact isn’t it sad that I still worry a lot about what people think; and wouldn’t it be a relief not to carry this burden of worry and related fear.

and: it goes on.. and on…

And I find myself with this collection of perspectives and insights all laid out in front of me, and somehow the original concern seems to dissolve.

I used to think of this opening up process as a bit like following a thread that would lead somewhere, and often it did lead to thoughts and feelings long buried and not acknowledged. And thinking of it like that seems now to be too closed mind again – looking too much for some single underlying cause. So now I think of it much more like pulling a thread and the whole jumper just unraveling.

Overcome Difficulties

Misunderstandings?

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I have had a lifelong fear of being misunderstood. Perhaps then it was no accident that the large part of my professional life was spent studying and trying to overcome the ways in which misunderstanding arises between people, within organisations and across social groups. Unfortunately one of the consequences of this was that things I wrote were so meticulously precise that, while there was little room left for misunderstanding, this was mainly because no one could comprehend any of it in the first place. Perhaps this is why I ended up working with lawyers.

Over the last ten years I have relaxed a lot and started to accept misunderstanding as an inevitable consequence of communication. And partly to appreciate that we often can’t hold ourselves responsible for how people interpret what we say. Anyway, contributing to this site has re-awakened much of my previous fear – the potential for being misunderstood in this context could be quite vertigo inducing.

So I wanted to share with you one of the letters I recently received. I have been giving a class in Buddhism to some 12 year olds at local schools – they have been studying Buddhism and their teachers thought it would be good for the students to see a real life Buddhist and have chance to ask questions. So far I have given my talk to, and answered hoards of questions from, about 160 very lively students. Some time after one of the classes I received a large bundle of enthusiastic letters from the students expressing their thanks and describing what they liked about the sessions – it was truly heartwarming to receive. Amongst them – and in an enthusiastic, warm and supportive letter – one of the students had written:

I can imagine the way you live must be very relaxing, not worrying about anyone else.

Well heck, I thought, what on earth did I say that made them think I didn’t’t worry about anyone else? Had I given the impression that Buddhism didn’t care about others? – and should I give up trying to explain Buddhism altogether if I could be so misleading? It almost seemed on a par with the memorable line from the film A Fish Called Wanda: when Wanda tries to explain to Otto that The central message of Buddhism is not every man for himself.

Anyway, I told myself to forget about it and just get on with the next thing. But it has been niggling at me like these things often do when they have more to show. So I thought, with your (Mugo’s) voice echoing in my head, lets sit with this fear, lets look at it a bit closer, open it up and let the air in at it – let the rain fall on it a bit.

And that is what I’m doing – I’ll let you know how it goes.

Photo/Poem Series

For Each Accustom’d Visitor

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Gone_Into_The_Fields_1.jpg
Found (just for this morning) on the office door of our IT monk. Bless him!

Here below is the stanza and the whole poem, by Shelley.

Away, away, from men and towns,
To the wild wood and the downs-
To the silent wilderness
Where the soul need not repress
Its music lest it should not find 25
An echo in another’s mind,
While the touch of Nature’s art
Harmonizes heart to heart.
I leave this notice on my door
For each accustom’d visitor:-
‘I am gone into the fields
To take what this sweet hour yields.
Reflection, you may come to-morrow;
Sit by the fireside with Sorrow.
You with the unpaid bill, Despair,-
You, tiresome verse-reciter, Care,-
I will pay you in the grave,-
Death will listen to your stave.
Expectation too, be off!
To-day is for itself enough.
Hope, in pity mock not Woe
With smiles, nor follow where I go;
Long having lived on your sweet food,
At length I find one moment’s good
After long pain: with all your love,
This you never told me of.’

The hand written note reads, i.e. I’m in the garden. In gassho, Berwyn

Overcome Difficulties, Teachings

Imposters?

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Even although I invited them in, gladly, now I’m slightly put out by their presence. They are not me. They write about things I don’t write about. And what’s more they don’t write like me! In the future there will, no doubt, be more contributors taking up space. What to do? What to do?

Can I, and I guess that makes it a we since you are part of the home page of Jade, handle this growing number of people making posts. Can we accept these contributor people and what they contribute without submitting ourselves to; a dull resignation, or to nursing a dualistic mind which picks and chooses, one person over another. Lets see now, there are other options. There could be a move to evict them! On my part or on yours. Out of this house! Away to your own place! Write your own blog! No. We are tolerant people, and still there is a sense of something coming in from the outside. The other has joined the me. What to do, what to do?

Ever wondered how marriages/partnerships, or any human relationship survive? There is always the me and the not me, and the not at all like me, tension. The subtext can go something like: I love you, but keep out of my house, or as it is put into words: I’m not ready for long term commitment right now. Contributors and guest posts however are here to stay. Until something changes which will happen, sooner or later. In the mean time, there is commitment on all sides to continue to have guest contributors. What to do, what to do?

I’ve some thoughts to help deal with so called impostors. Here’s internal practice you might like to adopt. The tension of inside/outside is at the very heart of sitting still. Most people think their thoughts are noisy impostors which must be evicted before peace can be found within ones body/mind. Thoughts are not like aliens from another planet, however tempting it might be to relate to ones inner world in that way! They come and go in response to stimulus, triggered from within ones own being, as well as from the stimulating world we all live within. Even up a mountain, away from it all, there is still the shrieking of birds and the fear of..impostors? Perhaps.

In the mean time: read, sit still while reading, listen internally, listen to the wind as it blows through the temple of your body/mind (your home), allow yourself to hear the rattling of windows and the banging of doors. This is active reading, active listening and active sitting still. It’s sitting still within conditions. In this case the arising and falling of thoughts in your mind, as you sit and read this.

Have fun.

Daily Life, Out and About, Overcome Difficulties, Teachings

Standing By The Well

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The day started off with a series of minor irritations. Small stuff really, but noticeable because they were adding up and starting to highlight the major irritation: I had to run errands and go shopping in at least four or five different locations. Not my cup of tea.

I don’t consider myself a lazy or inactive person. I’m generally not sitting unless I’m meditating, reading, or watching a movie. Most of my friends prefer to walk and talk unless there’s tea involved. My favorite type of day is to step into the back acre and start walking around the garden. There’s always something that needs doing, and then something else, and then something else…. So a pleasant day is moving from chore to chore, listening to the birdsong, chatting with the chickens, and taking in the weather of the day.

I was determined to make short work of the errands and get back to the more relaxed unfurling of arising chores. But then one of the nose pads on my glasses came off as I was looking for my car keys. I know from experience that a few hours of metal poking the bridge of my nose would soon be painful and even more of a nuisance. Another stop would be required.

I set off for the optometrist’s office brimming with resentment and irritation. But better the burr of irritation than hiding it to myself and letting it fester into anger. I kept it away from other driver’s, pedestrians, and cars with bumper stickers I didn’t agree with. Sort of like limping for awhile after stubbing your toe, aware of the discomfort but patiently taking the next step.

I pulled into the optometrist’s parking lot and a convenient parking spot presented itself. It was a good sign but I wasn’t sure I wanted to let go of the irritation quite yet; what else might show up? The receptionist was warm and genuinely, well, receptive. My irritation was beginning to melt and I considered thinking about what I had to do the rest of the day in an attempt to drum it up again. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has irritation in their repertoire of defenses.

And then she came into the room and called my name. I thought perhaps it was a play of sunlight causing her brightness. Clearly this young women was happy, healthy, and very, very pregnant. She had a shine as penetrating and clear as a flame reflected in a diamond.

We walked to her workstation. Nose pads were briefly commented on. They didn’t seem all that problematic to either of us. I asked her when she was due. Less than a month, she said and beamed. Let me get you those new nose pads, she said, I’ll be right back.

I sat at her desk basking in the great grace that radiated from her immersion in her situation. It was a blessing for me to be in the presence of someone drawing so deeply from the Well.

She returned with my glasses and I tried them on and they fit fine. We looked at each other with this sort of I see what you see recognition. Peaceful, energized. I told her that I wished her well with the delivery and wished her and the baby good health. I asked her if it was her first. She smiled and said, Yes, it is and every good wish is welcome, thank you.

We shook hands and I left the office, the remaining errands now less urgent.