I received this email some weeks ago from a chap who received the Precepts here at Throssel this year. He is living with ME/CFS and we have been in touch for a couple of years. As you will see at the end of the note below he offers himself as a resource for those who also live with ME/CFS.
Considering the time this was written and probably the level of fatigue, I read this message, and I hope you do too, with buckets full of compassion. I’m publishing the letter, with permission, because it is an example of honest self reflection. And an expression of generosity.
After midnight….
Dear Rev. Mugo,
Hope all is well.
Sleep seems to be avoiding me tonight LOL. A visit to Leeds ME/CFS centre and business meetings this week aren’t a help but may be saying this will help…
I’ve got some thoughts on compassion that seem to be probing me at the moment. As my awareness of things and myself slowly grows I seem to, at times, become aware of what I feel is a distinct lack of compassion for others. The phrase ‘not bearing fools gladly’ springs to mind as being appropriate. I guess atleast the good thing is that I’m aware of this and uncomfortable with it?
At times I just feel I haven’t got the time or patience for what I perceive as peoples inability to face their fears and make the choices that I, in my great wisdom think they need to make! Don’t get me wrong I’m not telling people what I think they should do necessarily, but I feel an exasperation to tell them to just get on with it, as I’m sure you might when I witter on.
I think I’m coming from a point of ego here; in that I feel that I have had to go through some tough times and make some tough choices and have tried to just get on with it and they should just get on with it too instead of off loading/moaning without (what I see as) the intention to move on. Ironically, I also know that just getting on with it has often been and still is my down fall!
Anyway, as you’ve said in the past that you’ve happened to be in contact with people with ME/CFS, and I suppose still are ;o) I’d like to offer myself as some one that people could contact, via email initially, in a way that would hopefully be of mutual benefit in sharing experiences be it relating physical, psychological or spiritual aspects of ME/CFS. This is bearing in mind and being clear that I have no qualification other than that of being through the mill of clinical assessments, medications, work issues, exploring ways to recovery, and trying to balance all things that are life day to day.
If can offer help to anyone, I’d like to do so.
In gassho, Kevin
Dear Kevin,
I can’t remember what I said when I replied to this letter and now time has gone on I’d probably respond differently. As I say this is an honest self reflection, and very highly coloured by the physical and mental condition you were in at the time. You would appreciate and understand this I’m sure. All the same there is obviously something there to look at and reflect on. It may not be what you think though.
My only thought this evening is to encourage you to look up while at the same time sink through the world that is ‘your life’. There waiting in the background is your home, return there often.
