Seeing With New Eyes

Earlier in the week I spent time with my American second cousin who was visiting England for the first time. What a pleasure it was to see and appreciate England through her wide open and receptive eyes and heart. It didn’t take long before I was as excited as she was about sheep and cows, stone walls and old buildings built of stone! Really, England is amazing at any time of the year and thank goodness the weather held. We ‘tooled’ around (as she put it) narrow lanes of Lancashire, she was especially enthralled by the vegetation being so lush and so close to the roadside.

We did the statutory garden tour but with a difference. Levens Hall has a historic  Topiary and quite unlike anything I’ve ever encountered anywhere. This area of the gardens had us both disoriented and longing for some order and symmetry. It really was the strange experience to be walking amongst this disjointed collection of ‘bush art’.

I’m left with a sense of gratitude for our time together filled with family stories spanning several generations. In skilled hands it could make a best seller! The pain and sufferings (and joy and fun too) were real enough however in the telling something has dissolved. Perhaps that’s due to a deeper appreciation and acceptance of what they are. Just stories which have no substance, much like air.

The photograph of the Lancaster street seen anew is for Jessica and her daughter. Thank you for opening my eyes to what is commonplace and still magnificent in England. And for welcoming me into your life and history.

Spiritual Crisis

For one to be able to live one must either not see the infinite, or have such an explanation of the meaning of life as will connect the finite with the infinite.

Leo Tolstoy
Green lane1Walking down a green lane with the birds singing and wild flowers in abundance. However… However heavenly life is there lurks the potential for the bottom to drop out of the bucket. Here is how it was for Leo Tolstoy when he had everything, and had everything to live for.

Shortly after turning fifty, Leo Tolstoy succumbed to a profound spiritual crisis. With his greatest works behind him, he found his sense of purpose dwindling as his celebrity and public acclaim billowed, sinking into a state of deep depression and melancholia despite having a large estate, good health for his age, a wife who had born him fourteen children, and the promise of eternal literary fame. On the brink of suicide, he made one last grasp at light amidst the darkness of his existence, turning to the world’s great religious and philosophical traditions for answers to the age-old question regarding the meaning of life. In 1879, a decade after War and Peace and two years after Anna Karenina, and a decade before he set out to synthesize these philosophical findings in his Calendar of Wisdom, Tolstoy channeled the existential catastrophe of his inner life in A Confession – an autobiographical memoir of extraordinary candor and emotional intensity, which also gave us Tolstoy’s prescient meditation on money, fame, and writing for the wrong reasons.

Finding Meaning in a Meaningless World, Brain Pickings.

For all those who find themselves in extremity – there is a place for you.

For Those Who Love Horses

Not at the Appleby Fair.
Not at the Appleby Fair.

For once I’m not around to see the build up to the Fair.

Thoreau Reflects on Age

These past days I’ve been looking through stored paperwork, letters, photographs etc with a view to doing something with them. That’s other than returning to storage. This evening I decided that I’ve come to the end of my capacity to tear up paper and the shredder is jammed (but not any more due to a kind friends actions).

I’ve family archives which hopefully I will be able to pass on to younger family members coming soon to visit from America. My father wrote a number of letters after my mother died which I’ve been reading. What an interesting person! Out at midnight to watch the clouds blow over the full moon which reminded him of ‘something’. And had done so all his life. Maybe I will copy some of his words here to share. In the mean time here is some thing from Thoreau.

Writing in the afternoon of October 20 of 1857, shortly after his fortieth birthday, Thoreau does what he does best, drawing from an everyday encounter a profound existential parable:

I saw Brooks Clark, who is now about eighty and bent like a bow, hastening along the road, barefooted, as usual, with an axe in his hand; was in haste perhaps on account of the cold wind on his bare feet. When he got up to me, I saw that besides the axe in one hand, he had his shoes in the other, filled with knurly apples and a dead robin. He stopped and talked with me a few moments; said that we had had a noble autumn and might now expect some cold weather. I asked if he had found the robin dead. No, he said, he found it with its wing broken and killed it. He also added that he had found some apples in the woods, and as he hadn’t anything to carry them in, he put ’em in his shoes. They were queer-looking trays to carry fruit in. How many he got in along toward the toes, I don’t know. I noticed, too, that his pockets were stuffed with them. His old tattered frock coat was hanging in strips about the skirts, as were his pantaloons about his naked feet. He appeared to have been out on a scout this gusty afternoon, to see what he could find, as the youngest boy might. It pleased me to see this cheery old man, with such a feeble hold on life, bent almost double, thus enjoying the evening of his days. Far be it from me to call it avarice or penury, this childlike delight in finding something in the woods or fields and carrying it home in the October evening, as a trophy to be added to his winter’s store. Oh, no; he was happy to be Nature’s pensioner still, and birdlike to pick up his living. Better his robin than your turkey, his shoes full of apples than your barrels full; they will be sweeter and suggest a better tale.

This old man’s cheeriness was worth a thousand of the church’s sacraments and memento mori’s. It was better than a prayerful mood. It proves to me old age as tolerable, as happy, as infancy… If he had been a young man, he would probably have thrown away his apples and put on his shoes when he saw me coming, for shame. But old age is manlier; it has learned to live, makes fewer apologies, like infancy.

Taken from Brainpickings, Thoreau on the Greatest Gift of Growing Old.