With all this wind and rain and blowing and rushing waters the fleeting nature of existence seems to be up and around calling for attention. The full moon is out this evening, but not in sight where I am. There is something special about this autumn moon.

Here is a scrap of teaching that comes to mind. Life passes as quickly as a flash of lightening. Quickly the body passes away, in a moment life is gone… And a quote by the Venerable Bede.

The present life of man, O king, seems to me, in comparison of that time which is unknown to us, like to the swift flight of a sparrow through the room wherein you sit at supper in winter, with your commanders and ministers, and a good fire in the midst, whilst the storms of rain and snow prevail abroad; the sparrow, I say, flying in at one door, and immediately out at another. Whilst he is within, he is safe from the wintry storm; but after a short space of fair weather, he immediately vanishes out of your sight, into the dark winter from which he had emerged. So this life of man appears for a short space, but of what went before, or what is to follow, we are utterly ignorant.

Ecclesiastical History: Book II

Thanks to Walter for the above quote.

The following is part of an email I sent to Adrienne this morning. Since it started to look like a blog post I asked her if I could publish it, with additions. She agreed.

Dear Adrienne,

I have been writing a post in my head this morning about giving advice. Your post yesterday The Trouble with Advice has got me going.

I have also been thinking about listening and how one obviously has ones views and opinions bubbling up while somebody is talking, and hearing ones own thoughts needs to be in the picture also. Further, there is the wider listening. The sound-scape you could call it. Traffic, the hard drive of the computer, cooking sounds, the toilet being flushed – these are in the background, less in ones direct awareness but there non the less. Yes, listening in the sense of listening to what somebody is saying is specific. However my sense is that to really listen/be there, with all of ones senses, the sound-scape is there also. Ones own mind being very much part of the sound-scape to take account of. To own and not give away rashly, if at all.

So….the edge one keeps approaching when listening to somebody (say she is telling you about her day at work) is: allowing the sound-scape yet not rushing to respond when it’s not needed right now, and refraining from saying something like ‘you’ve got to be JOKING’ when she comes out with something bonkers. Those are the times when it’s obvious to keep ones mouth shut…and continue to listen and ask questions when in the sort of position you (Adrienne) are in professionally.

For the most part (this is my view) most people are not actually asking for feedback, advice or comment – or what ever. They, as you say, asking for and benefiting from simply being listened to. Further, when somebody is overtly asking for advice they are not necessarily asking you to tell them, chapter and verse how to live their lives better or how to discipline their children or animals! Advice can be over done especially between friends and even more especially within families! An example from this very morning: I was being waved off by my cousin and family with whom I’d stayed the night. And there I was letting slip several sentences of jolly advice – it’s the process not the product and never mind you saving the world, take care of yourself…! How horrible is that?

The context of the conversation is a good guide. Forums are an advice ‘fest’, because that’s what they are set up for. However the comment section of Jade is not a forum so generally people don’t take it upon themselves to offer advice to other commenter’s, or to me. Which is how I prefer comments to be. Some blogs do have this element but here not. So why is that? For now as a preview, and to remind me what it is I’m going to write about tomorrow, I’ve a thought on what Jade might possibly have become for a few people. A Buddhist temple! If this is so I’ll feel free to respond to comments again, with…spiritual encouragement.

Rely on the message of the teacher,
not on her personality;
Rely on the meaning,
not just on the words;
Rely on the real meaning,
not on the provisional one;
Rely on your wisdom mind,
not on your ordinary, judgmental mind.

Shakyamuni Buddha:
The Four Reliances

When, and where, would this advice NOT apply?

Recent postings on Jade Mountains have got me reflecting quite a lot on how we can be driven by influences that end up being not good reasons for doing things.

I guess that everyone is different, but up there for me in these influences there are the things that other people think I should be doing; then there are the habitual patterns; and then there are the things that in some way I personally feel I should be doing – and here I find it gets tricky.

It seems that there is often some deep hurt or sadness inside us that makes us want to help or heal or somehow change the world and put it to rights. I am (often deeply) disturbed by the question What am I doing about it– where the it can be whatever we personally are drawn to, which for me has included the abuse, prostitution and trafficking of children; decimation of ancient forest, woodland and wilderness; the pain and suffering of members of my – quite extended – family.

Letting go of this disturbance and the craving to help seems to need an honest and direct looking at what is driving us. And sometimes what we need to look at triggers a deep hurt and even a sense of despair. Not looking somehow leaves the hurt and despair driving us, and yet the looking can be heartbreaking. I was once told by a senior monk that yes, it could be heartbreaking and actually sometimes it had to be – the breaking made an opening for the compassion to flow through us.

And from this it seems to me now that there can be a move not so much to grand heroic initiatives and world changing grand plans but rather to small acts of kindness. The horizon of our concern comes down to the personal, direct and immediate – I spend time with my family, I go and work or just be in the woodland, I try to respond as best I can to whatever calls for help come to me.

Then the feeling of the need to justify my actions can be seen as one of those distractions I find to pull me away from what is right in front of me, and yes, this can sometimes be because I am frightened or hurt by what I think is right in front of me.