Snowdrops
Springing up.
Surprising,
Delighting.
Bringers of joy.
As did the
light in the
old man’s eye.
Yesterday with renewed awareness of the loneliness among the elderly I stopped to pass the time of day with an elderly chap. I’ve passed many times and have only said hello to him before. Bright eyes shining out of his tired face. I hope it is warm where you live, I said. Oh yes it is, he responded. Glowing even brighter. And then we went on our way.
The crushing loneliness experienced by very many elderly people apparently has become epidemic in Britain. I feel old, said a terminally ill woman in her 70’s and another person I talk to on the phone said how glad she was to see a face other than her cats! She was talking about her son visiting her. Visits are landmarks in the vast empty landscape of each day. Oh yes I LOVE visits she said.
Solitariness, a disposition toward being alone, doesn’t hold the suffering that loneliness does. I would hope as the years pass we could adapt and evolve from social to solitary and revel in that space. The full emptiness. Not because most will end up living alone anyway but because there is a positive in being alone. A simply joy in moving from doing to being. And you don’t need to have lived long years before enjoying that!
Anyway, here is a Guardian article titled Britain’s Loneliness Epidemic. There is help to hand, the problem is being addressed, alternative living arrangements are being developed. There is no doubt there is a problem and huge suffering comes as a consequence of loneliness. I just wanted to speak up for being alone as a quite alright kind of way of living. And why do I think that there might be a shadow of shame in announcing I live alone. Or perhaps a feeling of life failure to have ended up alone. Now is the time to learn to be comfortable in ones own company. That’s not encouraged unfortunately.
And the former Archbishop of Canterbury is speaking up for the elderly in this Telegraph article.
The space where the elderly live.
In this empty space was once a thoughtful piece about the elderly. (Sadly just deleted by accident.) Perhaps another time. But just to remember the elderly, the collective of old people, and their struggles. There will always be elders for us. I believe they deserve our respect.
Warm hands.
Warm wrists.
Unencumbered fingers.
Happiness is mine!
It’s been a milestone day in terms of the Field of Merit project and these gloves will remind me of it. Given by my monastic colleague this morning. I don’t seem to be able to take them off now! There is something special about hand made gifts and about those who make and give them too. Thank you so much.
News of our milestone day will appear in the next post on Field of Merit website. I’ll link to it.
I’m currently dealing with the lifetimes accumulation of a late friend. More than a few times I have thought to myself, Goodness! how could you have/why on earth did you…save all of those…! Fill in the gap. And I have to be careful not to condemn him in my mind. What he left behind reflects his passions and I can bow to that.
And so it is when one’s belongings start to accumulate, it is all too easy to be bound up with self condemnation. Not a good state to be in when sorting since rushed decisions, driven by guilt, can lead to long term regrets. So it is important to have compassion for oneself and that which has gathered around you. Just as I endeavour, at the moment, to have compassion for my friend as I bundle up a mountain of maps!
When I arrived at Shasta Abbey in late 1980 with the intention of becoming a monk I had a backpack with me and a box of books arriving later by post. That was it! I’d imagined getting to this point of few belongings but this time I’d achieved it. Almost. I’d wanted to be able to carry all that I had, but I was close. On reflection I made some unwise decisions and would have done well to retain more than I did since lots of my belongings would have come in handy later. But storage is the ever present problem isn’t it.
Much is written about getting rid of stuff, about de-cluttering, about living simply with few possessions. Here’s a couple of articles by a woman in America who, with her husband, had to up-sticks and move. In the process she had to let go of, among other treasures, her dairy cow Daisy!
As I sit at my computer, the sun pouring though the windows and a gentle breeze wafting through WeeHavyn, I can’t help but reflect on the winding path that led me to simplify. The process was not always pleasant, but the freedom and richness it has brought to my life has been worth it. Of course this happened in several stages and the first one was sheer terror and resistance.
Hanging On – Steps to Simplify Part 1
And then:
Day by day our load lightened and I began to enjoy the process. I started cheerfully giving things away, much to the puzzlement of our friends. After all, shouldn’t I be sad that we couldn’t keep Aunt Ruth’s table? But I wasn’t sad, I was elated. You see, where I at first felt powerless in this whole process, I came to realize I could choose what I wanted to share my life with. What could be more powerful?
Letting Go – Steps to Simplify Part 2
In my early years we moved rather often. When packing my mother had a mantra, put like with like and when faced with items we no longer needed she would talk about resolving rather than get rid of those things. To this day I repeat her mantra and avoid thinking about getting rid of things. Early learning comes in handy later on.