Sometimes it’s good to complain. To make an official complaint because that needs to be done to highlight a mistake, or negligence, or the like. The heart that does that can be altruistic, not vengeful. I believe this is what Edera, the wife of the late Iain Robinson of Little House In The Paddy, has done. Her letter of complaint is an altruistic act. I particularly like this sentence:- To keep my mind in peace I would like you to investigate Dr. A and require him to really reflect on his own practice.
There is an interesting comment to the post mentioned above in which the writer talks about grief. I’ve taken the liberty of copying it here.
I am glad you wrote the letter Edera you will be helping others. When I studied grief and loss I heard something different to those stages of grief that really helped me with my own losses – instead of seeing grief as a process from which we recover, it sees it as a process by which we develop a different relationship with the person who has died. This helped me so much because it gave me license to keep having a relationship with my friend but to see that just like in life that relationship changed as I changed. It was true I could not see them in a conventional way and I missed them because they weren’t in my life in the same way, but that I still had a relationship with them. Just as I talked in my head to those people when they were not with me when they were alive, so do I continue to do so now they are dead. This way of looking at it helped me see my grief as an on-going process of developing a different relationship with them, through which I have grown.
Written by Bay.
As in life so in death. Relationships can be testing. I can attest to that.
One thought on “Good Complaints”
Having read this post and followed the link to ‘Little house’ I am filled with the sadness of this and also note the character of Edera’s carefully chosen words. I detect no vengeance and much calm in response to the natural anger.
In many ways we never loose those we have connected with; they have shaped us as we shape others and it all flows on. It is in my experience the staying with the present moment and not clinging to the past form of the connection which is the challenging part. This is obviously especially difficult after a death but can also be a challenge as the living move on.