Oh Valiant Hearts

For those who care, who are the carers of those who need caring for, nine bows of gratitude.
For the nurse who was punched to-day, by a patient suffering from dementia, Bows.
For the elderly man with terminal cancer who cared for his wife until the time now come, to be cared for. Valiant man!

Nine bows to all those who, alone or with others, face the task of helping another to get through another day, and another day and another and another…the unrelenting another day. I’ve been there and those days have been privileged days. Perhaps those days never end.

In many ways giving is easy receiving care, not so easy. I hope I have the good grace and fortitude to be cared for, should that time ever come.

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5 thoughts on “Oh Valiant Hearts”

  1. Reverend Mugo…the past two day’s blogs really hit home…I’ve beens surrounded by illness for a long time…in my twenties so many of my friends were dying from AIDS before they had treatments. It was very hard to watch as people my own age died continually and at times I almost felt guilty that I was not infected and sick. My partner now, is also infected, and we live with it everyday…although I have come to see it much differently, especially from the view of Training…in fact, my parnter is such a wonderful example of how to welcome each day. Sometimes an illness pops up related to a weak immune system and we work through it together…and we also laughed once when I had a terrible flu and he took care of me…it’s good to have the roles reversed once in a while. you’re very right: “giving is easy receiving care, not so easy.” (!)

    in gassho…Jack

  2. Me again…another “wanderin’ star” of synchronicity1 I’m reading a book in German at the moment with the answers that Ayya Khema gave to questions that she was asked…and this morning it was the question of dealing with illness and she wrote how we often are so afraid of losing the person that we become absorbed in it and cannot really help the person and devote ourselves to that help. It is important that we care for the person without causing anymore worry or worrying so much ourselves that we lose our ability for care. I thought that was also an important point that I can work on myself!

    in gassho…Jack

  3. Dear Jack,

    Thanks for both of your contributions. How true it is that one can become over involved. I’ve found I get hooked on small details, ones that are not being attended to. Once a fellow carer said, “he is not going to die as a consequence of that not getting done”. Brought me right back to what’s important.

    Yes, there is the fear of loosing the person and then there is the fear that it will be your fault that the person dies, due to your neglect.

    Somebody told me this week-end that I had told him, “Fear is the egg and breadcrumbs of self”. For people who cook this might make sense. The chap told me that he didn’t cook and it took him years to get what I meant!

  4. Buddhist monks allow us to give to them. They receive in such a way as to make it a very “clean” process. I find it much easier to give than to receive – something to do with keeping control, sadly. Plus in a caring situation it means I am the “well” one. My friend who has MS & can move just one hand gives me something indefinable & valuable by allowing me to do things for her & by just being there.

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