From a reader:
I would like to thank you (Mugo) for the link to Reverend Saido’s video on The Four Noble Truths. I found it very helpful indeed, particularly his reference to the need for being careful in the event of the falling away of a ‘chunk’ of the ‘stuff’ pointed to in box one.
This mention of stuff falling off reminded me of something that happened very early on in my life. Why should the falling away happen to a four year old, as it did for me? It was not as if I’d been intentionally practicing anything specific at that age. What, in general terms, did/does it mean for the rest of my life? The following thirteen years were lived in ignorance of what exactly had happened that day?
Now, decades on I wish to at least try to convey a feeling of the event:
Gazing at the blue sky
Fluffy clouds drifting across
Suddenly present way, way up
Nothing but vast light-space-distance all around
Wonderful, wonderful boundlessness, everything encompassed
Whilst returning/descending, a great falling away from within
Rendered transparent, utterly clear, no body here at all
And yet someone still returned
The whole world now my home, the whole sky my roof
Intimate/loving everyone, wanting to know about their lives, but how to ask?
I feel privileged to have known it, although known and it are not quite right. I never have understood why this should have happened and the certainty/clarity I was left with evaporated in time.
Over the years I’ve tried to leave the door open and remain receptive, being careful not to strive for understanding or cling through Zen practice to the experience. And there has been the help of Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey and Reading Priory.
Thanks to Ross for this. Many people struggle with this sort of experience when young, as in this case, and when older too. Most often there is no context, such as a faith tradition, to help somebody to fully appreciate the meaning of such an experience. I’m glad he found guidance.